


Shape me into something new out of the fragments

by chiapslock



Series: The kind of love we're dying for [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canon Divergent, Everything gets a little better, M/M, Mind Control, past human experimentation, shiro's pov, what if
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-21
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-02-05 06:15:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12788580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chiapslock/pseuds/chiapslock
Summary: “I’m sorry,” Sir says, shaking his head again “I snapped. I… I can’t do this, not alone. I need you to be here.”Shiro looks above Sir's head, confused “I’m here,” he tries, but he remembers that he had said this before and it hadn’t worked. Still doesn’t know what else to say.“No. But you’re trying.” Sir’s voice trembles, and it seems to mean something he can’t understand.[Or the third part into the Mind Controlled!Shiro AU. Where things actually get a little better.]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME??? SORRY???  
> Things have gotten in the way. I'm trying to juggle way too many fics. I know. It's all right, I'll finish everything. I promise.
> 
> We're back with this terrible, no good AU. And this time, things don't even suck all that much. I know, I don't believe it either.
> 
> Too much time has passed to say this is written for Sheith Month's Prompt - Freedom. So now it's written for Shiro Week Day 3 - Broken/Mend. :')

Shiro remembers life before he was captured by the masters, of course he does. The memories might be hazy, out of reach, but they are there.

He remembers his life after he was taken too. He remembers he had fought, for so long and so strenuously. Every day had been pain and torture. He had thought the implants too, of course, he remembers that. It feels stupid now when he thinks about it.

His life is so much better now than it was before.

There is no need to fight anymore, he just has to act, do what his masters tell him to and nothing more. It’s a life of freedom. Sometimes there are twitches, something that tells him that this is wrong, but it’s gone as soon as it arrives.

“Come here, Champion,” his master says and he goes.

  


Shiro knows it’s his fault. He shouldn’t have said anything, he should have done as his Sir had told him without protesting. That _but_ will be his downfall.

His Sir will punish him and he will have deserved it. That’s not what is making him anxious right now (and it doesn’t escape his notice that he shouldn’t be anxious, he shouldn’t be able to). He doesn’t care about what his Sir will do to him. His Sir had been distressed, scared. Shiro doesn’t know how to help.

The solutions he had tried had been met with resistance, horror and anger. He doesn’t know what his Sir wants with him. Every order he gives him seems to be pained, forced. Shiro _tries_ but it never seems to be enough. Sir gives him impossible tasks and he _tries_.

Sir had asked him to eat when he was hungry and he had tried, but the sensation had seemed so alien to him. He hadn’t felt anything like that in so long… Sir had asked him to _tell him what to do_ . Once he might have been able to, maybe, but the thought of _ordering_ his Sir is distressing to say the least.

He looks at the door and he doesn’t move. His Sir had said _stop_ and Shiro will obey him.

  


He stays put for almost an hour before someone comes. It’s not his Sir, but Lance and Hunk and when they see him something clouds their eyes. Shiro has no interest in understanding what it is.

“Aw, buddy,” Lance says, looking at him “can you move?”

He doesn’t look at him, not really. That’s a stupid question. Even if he could move he wouldn’t. His Sir had asked him to stop and he won’t move.

“I don’t think he can even reply to us,” Hunk tells the other, with a sad look.

Shiro doesn’t say anything, looks at them while they glance at each other, unsure what to do. He wants to ask them where is his Sir, but he doesn’t want to talk to them, not really. If only they could let something slip.

He’s worried and scared. Not for himself.

Shiro remembers a time when Sir had simply been _Keith_. He remembers he had always been in pain, always fighting his feelings and the expectations everyone had on him. But he remembers that Sir, Keith, had been happier then. His smiles less forced, his entire presence glowing.

“Well we’ll just… sit here, okay?” Lance says, sitting down on Sir’s bed. Shiro wants to tell them to go away. He doesn’t need them here, he needs them to find Sir. Shiro will stay, because he can’t do anything else, but Sir is outside somewhere and he’s _not fine_.

“Yeah just… we’ll talk a little. You can… stay there, I think you don’t have much of a choice but...” Hunk is rambling, a little. Shiro doesn’t care.

They don’t really talk. They sit down, but they just look at each other, awkwardly. He doesn’t want them here. He wants to know if Sir is all right.

He has been bad lately, caused so many problems to Sir. He’s ashamed. He had tried to stay out of the way, in the community room before and in their room after, when he had seen how much his Sir hadn’t liked seeing him in the other room (it’s nothing new, his first master had always hated having Shiro with him when he was with others, said he couldn’t be seen with a slave. Shiro had obeyed).

A minute passes, then another. And soon almost ten minutes have passed and the two are just communicating through strange gestures. Maybe they are hoping Shiro won’t see them.

He does, but he doesn’t care. He should stay and wait for Sir, but he feels the worry claw at his insides.

He really is useless.

“How is Sir?” he asks then, looking at the two. He won’t move, won’t breach this order, but his Sir hadn’t told him to stay silent. So he bends the rules. His first master had once punished him for an hour straight for that.

Lance and Hunk stop and look at him almost as if they can’t believe it. He actually sees them sharing incredulous looks. He wants to tell them to speak already, but he doesn’t.

“Uhm, Keith is... “ Lance stops and then he looks at Hunk, as if to understand the best way to phrase it. Hunk seems at a loss of words as well.

The silence that follows is trembling with something Shiro can’t understand. He doesn’t care. They haven’t really answered him, and it’s possible they don’t know, or Sir is distressed and alone.

“I’m fine,” he tells them. This is not the worst position he has been for a prolonged period of time. “Sir needs… help,” he leaves it at that. It’s obvious Shiro can’t do anything for him _but_ … but he wants to. For the first time in what feels like decades he wants to _do_ something.

And he can’t.

“Keith is with the others, Shiro,” Hunk tells him. His voice is kind, between them all he’s the one Shiro likes the most “we were worried. He didn’t exactly tell us much.”

Lance nods twice “Yeah and, I mean, you know you can move, right? You could come with us to see how Keith is.”

Shiro _wants_ to. It’s a terrible feeling, an itch that he can’t scratch. He won’t, because he starts to feel the pull in his mind and he doesn’t want to suffer, doesn’t want to be broken again.

“No,” he tells them, “and I don’t need you. Go to Kei… _Sir.”_

He hates the way they look at each other, the conversation he’s not privy to. They are saying something with just their eyes he doesn’t understand. He wants to but he can’t.

It takes a second before they stand up and nod to him. “Okay, we’re going to Keith,” Lance says. He still looks unsure, but there is something akin to hope in his eye “it’s going to be alright.”

Shiro wants to ask what he means, but he has accomplished what he needed, he doesn’t want to give them an excuse to stay here longer. _He_ doesn’t need them.

Hunk smiles at him while he leaves the room. The sound of the door closing behind them it’s comforting and deafening at the same time.

He doesn’t look around and the room is empty. Like it always is.

  


He remembers the first implant. He remembers how they had strapped him to the cot, so cold on his back, and he remembers Haggar’s face.

Shiro had won that day in the arena, a vicious fight, but he his enemy had sliced his arm and he hadn’t been able to move it ever since.

“A champion that can’t fight is rather useless, don’t you think?” she had told him.

He had screamed when they had removed his arm.

He doesn’t feel pain anymore. He’s glad.

  


He doesn't know how much time has passed when the door opens again. Time passes faster when he doesn't think.

Sir looks at him from the door and he looks tired, so tired. It does _things_ to Shiro. He wants to tell Sir to go to the bed, rest. It is one thing to _obey_ to orders, another thing to _want_ to do something.

“Shiro…” Sir says, closing his eye, almost as if he has to recompose himself “Lance and Hunk… they said you _asked_ how I was.”

Sir’s tone is difficult to understand. Is he in trouble? How much is Sir going to punish him? He doesn’t want to suffer. He remembers the pain and he knows he can endure it, but he also remembers that sometimes it feels like it will never stop. Some nights it was all he knew.

There wasn’t any order in Sir’s words, but he knows he expects him to answer. Confirm it. So he nods.

Sir waits for a moment before advancing. Shiro won’t move, but he wants to. He will accept his punishment, of course he will, but he doesn’t enjoy it. It was his fault, that damn _but_.

“Why?” Sir asks, he seems determined. There is a new light in his eyes.

Shiro hesitates a moment, doesn’t know what he should say, what would be the best way to answer. He knows he can’t lie, a part of him is already vibrating because he’s taking too much time to answer. Keith agrees and he advances again, with purpose, “answer me, Shiro.”

It’s an order, clear as day, so he does “I was worried.”

Sir seems surprised for a second, but he doesn’t stop. Pushes further “ _Why?_ ” he asks, and he seems almost feverish. It sounds more like a plea than an order, but it still compels him to answer.

He doesn’t know what to say.

“You… you’ve been unhappy,” he tries, because it’s true. He doesn’t tell him that he had never cared about the _other_ masters, or about how he could tell he was unhappy because he remembered him from before, “I can’t obey properly and you’ve been unhappy."

“No, it’s not…” Sir shakes his head, “it’s not _your_ fault.” Shiro can hear the lie in his voice, he wonders if Sir is even aware of it.

They look at each other for a moment. Sir hasn’t told him he can move again, so he’s still positioned in an awkward angle, his muscles are starting to hurt a little, but it’s not too much.

It’s a surprise when Sir hugs him and Shiro doesn’t know what to do.

“You said _but_ and you were worried,” Sir repeats, and he nods, even if he doesn’t exactly know what’s happening.

“I’m sorry,” he tries, because he has been bad. He knows he has. Sir shakes his head against his torso and Shiro has to stop himself from hugging back. He wants to, so much his arms are itching. He hasn’t wanted so many things in a long time, it’s overwhelming.

He wants to hug _Keith_ , he wants to comfort him. He wants to obey him, make him happy. Some of it, he realizes, it’s exactly how it’s been since the implants (the desire to serve, to obey) but some of it… it’s like before, when he was still on earth.

He’s not sure it’s a good thing.

“ _I’m_ sorry,” Sir says, shaking his head again “I snapped. I… I can’t do this, not alone. I need you to be here.”

Shiro looks on, confused “I’m here,” he tries, but he remembers that he had said this before and it hadn’t worked. Still doesn’t know what else to say.

“No. But _you’re trying._ ” Sir’s voice trembles, and it seems to mean something he can’t understand.

Sir still hasn’t told him he can move, so Shiro stays still while Sir hugs him. It shouldn’t be hard, and yet it takes all of his training for Shiro not to hug Sir back.

  


The first order they give him is to hurt himself. It’s a test they explain, because they have to be sure the implant it’s strong enough to override every other thought.

It is.

The second order they give him is one he still upholds to this day: _remember that your objective in life is to serve us_.

Haggar asks if he understands. He does.

  


After that day something changes in Sir. He had always looked determined, but he looks hopeful now.

He orders Shiro to follow him to eat with him, and to stay in the room while they train and he _talks_ with Shiro a lot. Encourages Shiro to talk with the other Paladins as well.

They are orders, and Shiro can’t disobey, but at the same time he doesn’t know what to do. It feels strange to give opinions, but his Sir asks him to and when he tries to answer with ‘ _whatever Sir thinks_ ’, Sir says that’s the wrong answer.

Sometimes Sir leaves him alone with the paladin and orders him to do whatever Shiro wants. He always looks a little disappointed when he comes back and discovers Shiro had just stayed still.

“You have to keep trying,” Sir says at night, just before he gives him permission to sleep, “I know you can. I’m waiting, Shiro.”

It sticks to Shiro because it’s not an order, it’s a prayer more than anything else. Sir has been better lately, but Shiro fears what will happen if he doesn’t grant his Sir’s wish.

For once it’s not fear for himself.

It takes a while, but a week later he’s sitting with Hunk in the kitchen while he tries different kind of erbs, trying to replicate some earth flavours; the other is talking, asking him stuff even if Shiro never answers.

“I mean should I try to go with a sweet flavour? Or something a little more sour?” he asks, and like every time he pauses a second looking at Shiro and allowing him to reply. When Shiro, like every other time, doesn’t say anything he continues, as if nothing had happened.

“I guess something more salty would be more useful,” Hunk says, turning towards the ingredients.

The thing is, Shiro remembers. He remembers late night studying with him at his fourth cup of coffee and Sir, _Keith_ , with a hot chocolate or coffee with too much added sugar. He remembers Keith's secret smile when he managed to get one of the desserts from the mess hall.

"Sweet," he says, then, even if Hunk has already turned. He hopes he's not too late, he hopes this is considered _trying_. "I would like to try something sweet."

Hunk stops moving, and he looks back immediately, surprised. Shiro tries to understand if it's a good type of surprise or not, if he has done what Sir wanted him to do, because he feels lost in this new directions.

It takes a second but soon Hunk smiles, excitedly, and starts nodding. "Of course," he says laughing, "we can try. You have a sweet tooth? I'll make you taste something incredible."

Shiro could correct him, tell him that it's for Sir, but he feels spent. He has done what his Sir had asked him to do, he knows that, but it still feels strange.

Hunk asks him other thing during the time they spend together, but Shiro answers nodding or shaking his head instead of talking; it doesn't seem to make the other upset, on the contrary any of his answers seems to make Hunk happier.

Shiro doesn't really get it.

Sir returns, followed by Allura and Pidge. Hunk smiles at them and says, proudly, "We're trying to make something sweet. Because Shiro _asked_."

It sounds strange when Hunk gives so much importance to it, but after a second Sir smiles at Shiro, almost as if he's proud.

Almost as if he's finally managed to make his Sir happy.

That smile makes it all worth it.

  


From that day onwards everyone expects more from him: Sir gives him less and less orders, the others don't just gloss over his silences, but demand answers from him.

Shiro tries, but some days it's more difficult than others. And some days he hopes that Sir will just give him an order, a clear single _order_ to follow. The possibility of choice is something he hasn't had in a long time, and getting used to it again feels strange.

He tries, though, because Sir looks lighter when he does. Every day it seems like Sir feels better, happier, more relaxed and the worry gnawing at Shiro's chest eases accordingly.

At night sometimes Sir looks at him and says, "You're doing good, Shiro. You're... I needed you and you're coming back. Thank you". Shiro holds the words in his chest like a treasure, like a sign that he's doing good.

  


One day Sir asks him to say no to one of his commands. He phrases it as an order and Shiro tries to comply.

He tries, but his head hurts too much at the idea: every part of him begging to obey both of those commands.

They have to bring him to the infirmary in the end, and Shiro can't help but say he's sorry, because he let Sir down. He had been doing better, Sir had been happier.

Sir looks at him with sadness in his eyes. "Stop. This was my fault. You're trying, and that's what I needed from you."

Shiro tries to believe him.

  


After a while it becomes easier again. Having opinions, voicing them. He needs to be told he can by Sir still, but he just needs a reassurance at the beginning of the day, a reminder that he’s allowed and then he can just be for the rest of the day.

The other tells him that it’s incredible, that he’s improving visibly in such a short amount of time. Sir smiles more.

Shiro still doesn't feel tired or hungry, but he eats and sleeps when the others do, and it seems to please them. He feels better too, in the long run, more focused.

At night Keith asks him what Shiro would do to make the team bond, why does he think they still have problems forming Voltron. Shiro wants to help him, tries, but he doesn't know what to say.

Sir still smiles at his every attempt, even if the only thing Shiro can tell him is to ' _be himself_ '.

When Shiro asks—because he can ask question, he knows—why Sir smiles, he just answers: "It's what you would have said. Before."

It seems like a victory.

  


In the end they rebuild the castle, repair what there is to be fixed and are ready to leave the planet they have been stuck on.

Lance and Allura organize a party to thank the locals, but Shiro prefers to stay in his and Sir's room. When Sir asks him if he wants to be alone he hesitates for a second.

He wants to, but it's still difficult to tell something that could sound like an order to Sir. It’s not in their roles and it makes him feel strange. The urge to say that he wants what Sir wants it's almost too strong.

It seems Sir understands anyway and nods, leaving him alone for the night.

Shiro just sits on his bed and relaxes, like he used to do when he was with the other masters and they didn't need him for the night. It feels peaceful, for once, to slip back in that headspace where he doesn't need to think. Or feel. Shiro can just be.

He loses himself, focuses on the sounds of his own breathes, on the lull of the castle and he's almost completely at peace when a large explosion makes him jump.

For a second Shiro wonders if they are under attack, if something something is shooting at them right now, but only silence follows the first big explosion. Shiro hesitates.

He wants to run towards the noise, wants to see what’s going on. Sir might be in danger and he feels his ribcage hurt at the sole idea.

There hadn't been any orders for him to _stay_ in the room, but the idea of leaving after he had told Sir he would stay makes his head start hurting. His entire body trembles at the mere thought, but Sir could be in danger. Sir could be dead.

 _Keith_ could be dead.

He leaves the room at the thought, banishing any pain to the back of his mind. He doesn't care about punishment, doesn't care about orders. He cares about Keith.

Shiro runs as fast as he can, looking into every room that he finds in his way. There is no way to know where Keith is, no way for him to reach him immediately so he has to check everything. Has to make sure he finds him.

He soon reaches the corridor that leads to the outside and the one that will allow him to make a beeline for the control room.

There doesn't seem to be anywhere left in the castle; all the rooms he has passed by where empty and dark. Probably a power outage. It makes sense to think that the explosion came from the command room that, as far as he knows, powers the rest of the castle.

If the others are hurt he will have to take care of them, without power they won't be able to use the healing pods, but he had taken a voluntary first aid course at the Garrison and he thinks he remembers enough to possibly stabilize anyone not in critical conditions.

His head feels focused, sharp like it hasn't been in a long time. He's thinking, orders and ideas flowing into his mind, all shadowed by the same frantic thought: he has to save Keith.

Shiro takes a step towards the control room, ready to start running again, when he hears steps behind him.

He turns, expecting to find someone of the paladins, or maybe one of the Arusians, but he stops immediately when he sees who's stepping foot inside the castle.

"Look at that," Master says, with a smile Shiro remembers all too well. "If it isn't my pet."

Master Sendak had been his first master and Shiro remembers him well. He had been the one that had gave him more orders, the one he had been assigned the most. Demanding and cruel, but always clear with his desires.

Everyone of his orders enters his mind again and thinking becomes difficult. His mind clouded by orders that compel him to kneel immediately; to stay silent until asked; to obey him without another word.

He's on one knee before he even realizes, and he can't look at his Master's face, doesn't know if this makes him happy.

Shiro wants to find _Keith_ , needs to make sure Sir is alright. But he can't ignore Master's orders only because he's worried.

Shiro shouldn't feel anything, shouldn't _think_ anything.

"As useful as I remember," Master says, his voice dripping with satisfaction. "Get up and follow me." His orders are precise, sharp and to the point. A part of Shiro rejoices at having the grey areas removed.

All he has to do is follow. There is no need to think. No need to worry.

Worry for Sir.

He doesn't get up. Shiro looks at the floor and thinks about what could have happened to Sir, what will happen if he just does as Master says.

Silence and then Master's voice comes again, angry and dissatisfied. Shiro remembers this tone, knows what usually follows this. Has the scar to prove it. “Get up. _Now_ ”

He gets up, automatically responding unconsciously, and this time he sees Master smile, pleased.

It makes him feel good.

"You can be very useful," Master says, nodding towards him. "Now, follow."

Shiro nods, but before he can actually move they hear other footsteps and when they look towards the other end of the corridor they see Sir and Allura round the corner. Sir appears to be fine physically, and Shiro relaxes immediately, glad to know nothing has happened to him.

It makes losing himself to the orders much easier.

The two paladins both freeze in place when they see who is standing in the middle of the corridor and while Allura gets into immediate battle position when she sees Master, Sir launches himself forward, his bayard morphing into a sword. He looks angry, furious.

It's a stupid move because there are two on Master's side and no one on Sir's, but Sir doesn't seem to notice.

"Let Shiro go," Sir screams, trying to hit Master with the blade. It's instinct, really, that makes Shiro move.

' _Protect me at all cost_ ' Master had once told him, and now Shiro blocks Sir's blade with his Galra hand before he can even realize what he's doing.

Sir looks shocked, but Shiro can feel the amazing feeling that follows an order obeyed. He has done good.

"Go?" He hears Master say, with a smile, "I think he wants to stay here with me. He's a good slave that way."

This comment seems to make Sir even angrier and he pulls back, removing his sword from Shiro's hand easily. "Don't talk about him that way!" He yells, his voice raw.

Sir tries to get past Shiro again, to hit Master again, so he blocks him. He’s just following orders, but Sir’s disappointed face makes him flinch.

"Shiro!" Sir screams, frustrated. There is no order on his words, but his voice shocks him all the same. Shiro is doing good, he knows he is, and yet his head hurt just like when he’s disobeying.

Before he can think too much about it he sees, out of the corner of his eyes, Allura's bayard reach for his Master and he catches that with his human hand. It hurts, but he doesn't show it, any injuries taken while protecting his master is a honor.

"Keith!" Allura yells, and she's angry too, he realizes. "Order him to _stand down_."

"No!" Sir responds immediately, but he doesn't move. Doesn't even try and attack again. He seems to be thinking and he's looking at Shiro. Shiro doesn't know what’s happening.

Master laughs behind them, pleased of the outcome. "Such a good pet, isn't he?" he says, advancing, "might have been taken from us before we could give him all the latest upgrades, but we can fix that after we take the lions to Zarkon. Attack them, Champion."

The order arrives as a surprise, even if it shouldn't have. It had been easy protecting his master, but attacking Sir?

He can't _not_ do it. It would mean disobeying a direct order and the sole idea makes him physically sick.

He can't do it. It would mean hurting Sir. Hurting _Keith_. The pain in his chest he feels at the idea has nothing to do with his implant or any order. It’s just him and the part of him that Sir has cultivated slowly, giving Shiro control of his life back, little by little.

Shiro _can't_ and at the same time he _has to_.

"Shiro," Sir says. He looks younger, as fragile and broken as the night he had hugged Shiro. "Come back to me. I need you now. Please, Takashi."

For a second, for a moment, it's not Sir in front of him but Keith. Keith who smiles and tells him he will wait for him to get back from Kerberos. Keith who looks up at the stars and recites every single name, one by one, with a playful smirk Shiro had wanted to kiss away, slowly.

It's Keith in front of him, asking him to come back.

"Dispose of them," Sendak growls from behind. And it's Sendak, not Master. "It's an order, Champion."

Shiro looks into Keith's eyes and let's go of his Bayard.

He turns slowly, looking into the eyes of the Galra and for the first time he doesn’t hear the orders, doesn’t see the punishments. He squares his shoulders, positions himself in between Keith and Sendak and says, as clear as he can: "No."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
>   
> 
> 
> HAPPY DAY 8!!!  
> CAN YOU BELIEVE I FINISHED SOMETHING WITH CHAPTERS??? I know wyld LOL.  
> Anyway this is the last part of the third instalment of the Sir AU serie. I hope you guys enjoy and forgive me for keeping this stort. I'm so tired.

Shiro can see the shock in Sendak’s eyes the moment his words register and the way he goes rigid, unbelieving. A moment later he growls, a guttural sound that travels in Shiro’s body, shaking his whole being. He feels it in his bones, trembling in an unconscious response.

Once, a sound like this would have meant a world of pain for Shiro, a punishment that would have gone for hours without release. Now, he pushes the fear in the back on his mind and stands strong.

If this was a normal situation this was where the pain,  _ unimaginable pain _ , would begin, coursing through his body. He has just refused a Master's orders. And while he feels some discomfort growing, it's dulled out, easily ignorable.

He senses Keith,  _ Sir _ , position himself behind him, ready to attack, and he hears Allura advance to reach them.

Sendak roars, and repeats, his voice carrying inside the corridor of the ship. "Destroy them,  _ Champion. _ "

Shiro thinks about how much this would have scared him once, left him whimpering on the floor at the mere thought that he had been bad enough to cause his master to be this angry at him. He even hears Allura and Sir pause, surprised by the force of the other's scream.

"No," Shiro repeats squaring his shoulders, feeling a strength he had almost forgotten was there.

Before the implants and after his capture he had been strong, fighting for his life in the arena every day, never backing down. He can be just as strong now, he thinks, at least for the right reason.

Shiro activates his own arm and dashes forward, attacking Sendak's throat, going for the kill. The other reacts immediately, blocking his hand and holding it. "You'll pay dearly for this," Sendak tells him, his face mere inches from Shiro's.

It's possible he will, after all he knows that Sendak is strong, he has tasted it on his own skin, but he finds that he doesn't care.

"Let him go!" He hears someone scream and the next second Sir's sword lunges at Sendak, forcing the other to let go of Shiro's arm.

Behind Sendak some of his surviving soldiers start advancing towards them, obviously ready to fight and protect their master. They are outnumbered, Shiro realizes immediately, and their chances of winning are low if they fight head on. The best strategy would be to remove the threat of the sentinels and only  _ then  _ face Sendak, but Sir is already engaging in a heated battle with him, while Allura is providing him assistance from afar, afraid to hit Sir by mistake.

If he leaves it up to them to keep Sendak occupied, then maybe he can take care of the sentinels on his own; but the idea of leaving Sir's side during a fight makes bile rise in his stomach.

He knows Keith,  _ Sir, _ is capable of protecting himself, but something inside him screams that he needs to protect him; this is his purpose and he should fulfill.

In the end, Shiro has to make a decision and, as always, it's driven by the only thing he cares about: Sir's safety.

As much as his mind is screaming at him to protect Sir, to fight at his side, he knows what would better in the long run and he has to trust his gut.

So he pushes forward, dashing to the side of Sendak and he powers up his hand. It feels rusty after having being idle for so long, but it comes back to life with a hum and a familiarity that Shiro recognizes. He was the champion of the arena, and he will show them  _ why _ .

He's outnumbered, but that is not an entirely new situation. In the arena he had covers to use to his advantage, here he only has his enemies. Shiro ducks and uses the other sentinels' bodies as shields when he doesn't have other choices. They are slow, and  _ methodical _ , their movements easy to predict.

He's destroying them all one by one, making actual progress and assuring himself that no one of them reaches the others’ fight, when something slams against his back, strong enough to knock the air out of his lungs.

When he feels the same thing grip his middle section and  _ pull _ him backwards, he realizes it's Sendak's hand. His former Master throws him towards the wall and keeps him pinned there.

Sendak’s hand is hot, Shiro knows this very well, and it heats up his skin unpleasantly. Soon, it will become unbearable.

A quick look around makes him notice that Keith and Allura are on the ground, struggling to get up. It seems he had miscalculated and that Sendak was stronger than he remembered.

It’s his fault they have reached this situation. There is no one else to blame.

"You've been bad," Sendak tells him, "bad enough that I should kill you right here. But I'm sure the Druids would love to have you back and fix you properly," he smiles, all teeth and no warmth, "and I have missed you."

Shiro tries to get free, when he sees Sir trying to get up but being pushed back down by one of the sentinels he struggles as much as he can, his worry overcoming his senses. He wants to rush there and help him, destroy that robot and everything else.

It's not just the implants, there is something feral in him now, that only wants to reach Sir.  _ Keith _ .

"No," he repeats, trying to give himself strength. As long as he has the power to refuse Master's orders then there is a chance. He can do something.

Shiro struggles more, but Sendak's grip is too strong. He tries to kick at Sendak's arm, but it's futile.

Today, maybe for the first time, he thinks he has make Sir proud. He thinks that maybe Sir would have been happy now, seeing Shiro stand up against an order. He will never know if that's true, having failed his one mission so completely.

Sir is on the ground, hurt and being kept down by a sentinel’s foot on his back; Shiro can’t do anything to help him.

He's ready to let go, admit defeat, when he hears a whizzing sound and a moment later Sendak's hold weakens. Not by much, but enough that Shiro can push back with his own metallic arm and force the other to release his hold on him completely.

Once Shiro's feet touch ground again he sprints forward, his arm flashing a deep purple, and he slashes at Sendak's torso.

The other falters, and Shiro sees the sentinels turn towards him, but he can't stop. Rage fills his vision and he  _ needs _ to destroy Sendak. So he punches him again, a satisfying grunt leaving his enemy's lips.

Sendak gets pushed back, falling to the ground, and Shiro uses that opportunity to hit him in the head, knocking him out cold. He wants to hit him again, and again, but he needs to make sure that Sir is safe before that.

When he looks back, ready to take the remaining sentinels, he sees that they have already been disposed of and Pidge is crawling out of a vent, her bayard held high in her hand.

"That," she says, with a smile "was  _ so cool _ ."

He looks at her and then at his arm. He guesses that she had never really seen him fight; no one of them, even Keith had seen his new arm in action. She had examined it, of course, trying to see how it worked, but she had never seen him actually  _ fight  _ with it.

He doesn’t think it’s cool, but he guesses it’s different when it’s your own hands getting bloodied.

"What happened?" Shiro asks, even while he moves forward to be at Sir's side. Sir is still on the ground, out cold, and Shiro hesitates before touching him. He doesn't know how hurt the other is, and he's worried he might make it worse, but not being able to touch Sir right now feels impossible.

"I don't know how, but they managed to make the control room explode. Hunk and Coran have gone to get something to get the power back on, Keith and Allura were supposed to go and check on the village but... Keith wanted to check on you. It's a good thing he did, or we would have been two fighters short," Pidge explains him, crouching down beside Allura to make sure she's all right.

Shiro looks behind him at the sentinels Pidge had taken out; she had been the one to help Shiro defeat Sendak, distracting him enough for him to get free. She might have saved them all.

"I think you would have managed," he tells her in the end, and she looks back at him, taken aback.

Shiro picks Sir up and then reaches Pidge and Allura, crouching down. Even for him carrying two people might be difficult, especially because he doesn't want to move Sir too much, but he will if he has to.

Pidge, however, shakes her head. "Don't worry, she's coming to. Bring Keith to the infirmary. And then maybe help me with Lance, he was hurt in the explosion and I had to leave him alone to come here."

He wants to agree, but he hesitates and look back at Sendak. He doesn’t want to leave them here alone with him, even if he’s now out cold.

Pidge follows his gaze and she assumes a serious espression. “I don’t know what everyone’s plan is. But we’re going to dispose of him. Get him out. I’ll do it.”

He wants to protest, tell her he will do it, but then… she had just saved his life, so he decides to trust her.

Shiro nods, then, starting to walk away, before she stops him again. "Shiro?" she calls and he looks back at her, curious, "I think I see why Keith likes the real you so much."

He looks surprised at her, shocked. A part of him wants to ask her what she means, what does she sees, but Sir stirs painfully in his arms and Shiro forgets every question he has. Taking Sir to the infirmary is his first priority.

  
  
  


 

Sir recovers quickly after Hunk and Coran come back with the replacement stone, while Lance takes a little more time.

He sees the look the others give him while they wait for Lance to wake up, like they are reevaluating him, and he doesn't know what to do about it.

His mind feels clearer that it has in a long time, but he doesn't think he has done anything to warrant this kind of attention. His implants are silent in his head, but he can almost feel them rearranging themselves.

There is a top priority now in Shiro's brain, and he feels like it's just wiring itself back to how it was before, where Keith had been the most important part of his life.

Sir has been the strangest of them all since waking up. He hasn't said anything, but he keeps looking at Shiro from the corner of his eye.

It's obvious he wants to say something, but he keeps hesitating. Shiro doesn't know why.

 

 

After Lance wakes up again and they make sure he's all right, everyone retreats to their own rooms. They'll leave the planet soon, but they deserve to rest a little.

Shiro follows Keith back to their room. They walk in silence, the air filled with whatever Sir isn't saying.

Shiro wonders if maybe Sir is angry with him, can't shake the feeling that maybe he did something wrong, that maybe he will be punished after all. The sick feeling in the pit of his stomach comes back, and he can recognize the working of the implants, the pain that radiates from them.

Maybe he could fight it like he did with Sendak, he doesn't know, but at the same time he doesn't want to. He  _ wants _ to make Keith happy, and only a part of it comes from the things in his brain.

When they reach their room, Keith enters the room quickly, and Shiro can't do much but follow. He feels groggy, his thoughts slow to come. He has done something bad, but he doesn't know what it is.

Still, he remembers Sir's orders. To ask when he wanted to know something, to speak when he felt the need to. Maybe, if he follows some of his other orders, Keith will be pleased.

"Are you all right?" he wonders, then, the most important question of them all. He knows that the pods are supposed to cure everything, but Keith had been limp in his arms when he had brought him to the infirmary and Shiro feels his weight even now.

Keith looks back at him, almost surprised, and nods quickly. Curtly.

Pain comes back to his mind, and Shiro tries to push back any discomfort in his face. Sir doesn't like to see how the implants hurt him, the consequences of what they have done to him, and Shiro will always try to shield him from this.

It's what he was programmed for, after all.

"I'm sorry," he still blurts out, because he needs to say it, almost a physical need. Keith's eyes widen, and he looks taken aback by Shiro's outbursts.

"Wha-?" he tries, but Shiro isn't done.

"If I have done anything to make you mad," he says, looking at the ground, unable to meet Sir's eyes, "I didn't protect you. I went after the robots and you got-"

Before he can spiral, thinking of all the terrible decisions he had made, Keith is in his space, touching Shiro's face to make him stop.

He looks so young, now, fragile in ways that hurt Shiro deeply.

"I'm not  _ mad _ ," Keith says, his voice cracking at the end, like his emotions are overflowing out of him. "God, no, I... I'm happy."

Shiro stops and blinks, slowly, processing the information. It feels like something he should have recognized, but he realizes he hadn't seen Sir happy ever since he came back. He tries to remember if he had ever seen Keith happy before, but his memories of that time sometime come hazy to him.

Keith is still looking at him, brave even in a moment where he looks so brittle.

"I'm used to you knowing my moods, I'm sorry. You know I'm not... I'm not good with words," Keith continues, smiling self-deprecatingly, "but you... you said  _ No _ . You fought him. You're really still there."

Shiro looks at Sir, the hope shining in his eyes, and it makes him remember Pidge's words before:  _ I can see why Keith likes the real you _ she had said, like he was supposed to be flattered by it. Happy.

He wonders, now, if this is really the real him.

The Takashi Shirogane that Keith searches for almost spasmodically, is he really still in him?

Still, he has to be honest, because this is  _ Sir _ and he  _ has _ to.

"I did it for you," he admits, because Keith had been the only thing in his mind. Protecting him had been his number one priority.

Keith nods, evidently accepting his words. "One day," Sir tells him, with a fire that ignites his every word, "you'll do it for yourself."

 

 

They leave planet Arus the next day, and their life change considerably: while they travel, the paladins spend most of their day training, much like before, but now there are missions. The first on Balmera and then all over the galaxy.

Shiro waits in the ship, alongside Coran.

He understands their reasoning: they still don't know what he would do faced with a Galra. Maybe he reacted that way to Sendak because of the extreme situation they were in and because of his worry for Keith; maybe he would succumb to his implants next time. It's not a risk Voltron can take.

So Shiro waits on the castle, because Keith told him to, and he still doesn't think he can say no to Sir.

He watches as they fight, as they rejoice for another victory and tend to their wounds after an hard mission.

Keith has ordered him to wait, so Shiro will do just that, but he feels the compulsion to join them. He wants to fight with them, he wants to feel  _ useful _ . He almost feels sick at the thought of disobeying Sir's orders, so he won't, but he  _ wants to. _

And isn't that a disobedience all in itself?

 

 

Voltron's fights become harder and more frequent the more the voice of Voltron's return spreads around the galaxy.

Planets from every square of the universe call them in help, and it becomes clear that the day where they will have to face Zarkon is growing near.

It becomes so clear that Shiro can almost taste the nerves in the air. The others are less focused in their training, their team dynamic too new and too fragile to sustain such a heavy stress. They stumble, and don’t seem to be able to get back up.

Shiro wants to help, but at the same time he doesn't think he should. It would feel like overstepping, breaking a line drawn in the sand.

Truthfully, Keith has never really prohibited him from participating, but unlike every other activity, Sir has never really  _ invited _ him either. It seems to Shiro that Keith makes sure he doesn't get involved in  anything that comes close to actual fighting.

Shiro appreciates the thought, and he will always obey Sir's orders, but at the same time the itch under his skin grows with every training session.

But Sir always looks uncomfortable when someone suggests Shiro should join them someday, since he was ' _ so bad-ass _ ' when he fought Sendak—Lance's actual words—so Shiro just shakes his head and says that he doesn't want to.

It doesn't matter if, sometimes, he thinks it's a lie.

 

 

When Shiro enters the control room of the castle with Hunk in tow and a new batch of cookies in his hands, he realizes immediately that something is going on.

The situation is terse, and he sees Keith and Pidge almost snarling at each other. Lance and Allura, to the side, look uncomfortable with the others’ discussion.

"I need to find my brother, Keith," she's screaming, trying to look taller. She's serious, trying to make Keith respect her enough to considering her words and her hands are trembling slightly. Shiro wants to tell her that there is no need for that, Keith would understand anyway, but he doesn’t want to overstep.

Instead he looks at Lance and Allura, who are looking worriedly at the pair. Whatever the problem is, it seems to be serious enough judging by the others' faces.

"You will! But we need to face Zarkon, so that we can  _ go home, _ " Keith replies. He's angry, Shiro realizes, but mostly frustrated.

"We're not ready to face Zarkon, Keith," Pidge says immediately, shaking her head. “Have you seen how difficult it was to defeat that Robobeast last time? What do you think would happen if we faced Zarkon now?"

"We'll never know if we don't try!" it's Keith impatiently answer.

Facing Zarkon? Are they thinking of actually going to Zarkon's ship? Deep inside the Empire territory?

"Woah!" Hunk finally says, behind Shiro, "I one hundred percent know that I'm not ready. Zarkon? No way man, the Robobeasts are scary enough."

"And we don't even know if the dude has a plan," Lance agrees, nodding, "I mean, beside the whole conquering the universe."   
"If we stop him," Keith insists, looking at everyone of them, "his plan won't matter."

"Or we could die and leave the universe without Voltron," Pidge says, glaring at Keith, "good luck defeating him then."

"I think," Allura says, after everyone has been silent for a while, "that while the day of our confrontation with Zarkon grows near, it might be prudent to get some more informations. As much as I want to defeat him and take revenge on my father...." she stops with a heavy sigh, taking a moment to compose herself, "this is not the way."

Pidge nods and holds up some schematics Shiro had never seen before. "According to some scannings I've been doing lately, there will be a cargo ship passing through this section soon. It usually transports prisoners, but it's too big  _ and _ well guarded to be just that. If we manage to get access to its logbook we could discover something about my brother  _ and _ what Zarkon has planned."

Keith looks at the other and it's obvious he's ready to keep fighting them, he's always too stubbornly set in his own ideas, but then his gaze lands on Shiro. It's like a current travels through Keith's body, making him twitch, and he stops moving.

A second later Keith deflates and nods. "Fine, I still think this is a bad idea."

With Keith conceding the fight, the situation becomes much more relaxed, and Pidge smiles a little, fixing her glasses back on her nose.

"Good," she says, "because I really think this is our best strategy right now. We don't really know anything about what Zarkon wants to do. We need more."

"So," Lance asks, getting closer to Pidge, "are we just gonna infiltrate the ship? Can we pretend to be pirates?"

Pidge shakes her head, pointing at the screen again. "Unfortunately this ship is going to be well guarded,. We need to be smart about this, and stealthy. We also need something to connect to a Galra computer more advanced than anything we've encountered so far."

"Well that might be a problem," Hunk says, getting closer to Pidge. "The only thing we have that really works on Galra technology is..."

Hunk stops immediately and he looks like he's regretting even speaking.

Shiro knows full well what they are talking about, and he sees the way Pidge glances at him quickly before she squares her shoulder, ready for another fight.

"Shiro's arm. It could help."

The way Sir's shoulders tense up is impossible to miss, but Pidge doesn't back down, looks at Keith like she doesn't even realize.

"Since it's part Galra, it's perfect to operate Galra machinery. We've been trying to see if it worked like a universal key, and until now we haven't found anything that--" she starts, before Keith interrupts her.

"No," he says, and his voice is glacial. There is something dangerous there, a fury that Shiro hadn't expected. It reminds him of his other Masters, of the cruelty and the punishment and he forces himself not to take a step back.

"Keith," Hunk starts, but doesn't say anything more when he sees Sir's glare.

"You experimented on him?" Keith asks, his voice sharp enough that every word he says can be used as a weapon.

"I wouldn't call it experimenting," Pidge says, a little uncomfortable, "and he was okay with it."

"He can't say no!" Keith screams, "isn't that what you keep telling me? That I need to be  _ careful? _ That he's getting there but I need to be  _ patient _ ?"

It's strange to hear what the others have been saying about him behind his back. And he looks at all of them, at the way they are avoiding looking at either him or Sir.

Is he something to be careful about?

"Shiro can say no to us," Pidge says immediately, shaking her head. "He only listens to you and..."   
"And I told him to spend time with you, because you thought it would help him! And now you're using him?" Keith's voice rises up in pitch again, and he looks wild.

Shiro wants to close the gap and calm him down, tell him that Shiro  _ had _ agreed, that Pidge had asked multiple times if it was really okay.

At the same time, he can't say that a part of him hadn't been happy to be able to do something to help Sir, his implants purring at the idea. But, at this point, he doesn't think that the sensation is something that's gonna go away.

"Look, Keith, we needed to know," Pidge tells him. But she looks a little unsure now, almost as if she's second guessing her decisions. "And Shiro can be useful. He..."

"He's not in the position to  _ come with us, _ " Keith rebuts. Sir hasn't looked in his direction even once since this conversation started, and Shiro feels lost without the contact.

"I have to agree on that," Allura says, looking at Shiro with a little bit of guilt. "He managed to refuse Sendak, but we don't know what would happen in a less stressful situation."

She's correct, obviously, because Shiro hasn't been in contact with any other Galra since that day, but at the same time he thinks that they will never know if they don't take a risk.

"What does Shiro want to do?" Lance asks, out of the blue, and Shiro feels strange at the idea of being actually asked. "I mean, he's right here. The decent thing would be to ask, don't you think?"

Everyone turns towards him, and he tries not to shrink a little at the attention.

What does he want to do?

From what he understands they need his arm to access the main computer and he  _ wants _ to be useful, but Sir had been adamant in his  _ no _ before. It hadn't been directed at Shiro, but it had been clear in Shiro's mind that Sir didn't want him to go on the mission.

The implants whir inside his mind and he finds Sir's eyes, looks in them for a second trying to understand what he needs to do.

Keith looks furious, true, but Shiro can see the fear behind that gaze now—a month ago he wouldn't have been able to, lost in his own mind—but it's clear as day for him now. Keith is scared and he doesn't want Shiro to fight.

So Shiro will obey.

"I don't want to go," he tells them, and he keeps his eyes fixed on Keith's so that he doesn't miss the way the other relaxes, his muscles going lax.

Sir is happy with him, and something preens inside of him at the idea—it doesn't matter if something else sags and buries itself deeper inside his mind.

Keith looks back at the others with a look that screams ' _ see? _ '. Allura and Hunk nod, shrugging, but Pidge and Lance keep looking at Shiro with something like disappointment in their eyes.

Shiro doesn't care, it's not them he needs to make happy. It's not even himself.

Keith is the only thing that matters.

 

 

So the team leaves taking one of the ships in the hangar and Shiro stays back with Coran. The man smiles at him gently and Shiro wants to tell him he's fine. He doesn't regret his choice.

Three hours later when he hears Allura say 'Keith has been captured', he regrets everything.

 

 

They had been discovered while they were trying to infiltrate the ship's mainframe because the key Pidge and Hunk had build had been good, but not perfect. Shiro doesn't know if his presence would have changed anything, but he can't help thinking that this was his fault.

The team tries to decide what to do, but without the Black Paladin storming Zarkon's headquarters would be even more of a challenge.

Everyone looks panicked and scared, but Shiro can't listen to them. Sir is in danger, and there is nothing Shiro can do to help.

The knowledge breaks him apart, shatters him piece by piece where not even torture had been capable of.

He hears them talking, trying to think of a possible strategy, but without Voltron the possibility of even dreaming of a victory feels utopic.

Shiro, if he's being honest with himself, doesn't really care about the possibility of success. If he could he would storm Zarkon's ship immediately even with no actual possibility of success.

Still, without Keith, everyone seems to be in a panic—himself included—and he thinks about the first days, where Keith had asked him to help him lead. That he couldn't do it without him.

It's not an order, but at the same time Shiro knows what Keith would want him to do.

"We don't have time to panic," he tells them, even if he wants to curl somewhere and wait for someone to come and tell him what he has to do. But Sir won't come back on his own, so Shiro  _ pushes himself. _

Everyone turns towards him, surprised. "Shiro, buddy, Keith is missing," Hunk tells him, as if Shiro wasn't acutely aware of that, "we don't have the head of Voltron. And there can be no Voltron without a head!"

Everyone else nods, and he sees the way they hunch on each other, scared. They had just started being a team, building some kind of trust, and they aren't equipped to face something like this.

But they don't have any other choice.

"Voltron isn't just formed by the head," Shiro tells them, tries to find inside himself the strength to be convincing, "and when one of the Paladins of Voltron is in danger, the others have to rescue him. Isn't that what being a team means?"

His words seem to resonate in them, but there is still something pulling them back.

"But what can we do without Voltron?" Lance asks, looking around.

Shiro doesn't have an answer for them. He's just a broken slave with no master to serve. But he can't let that stop him.

"Pidge, Hunk, you guys are the geniuses and if we want to have a chance we need to be able to get close without being spotted. Allura, we need you to create a wormhole so that we can get close and get out the moment we have Sir. And Lance, your Lion is the fastest and without Black to take point, it's up to you to keep them occupied," he hopes his voice doesn't shake by the end. He feels spent, almost as if thinking had been too much for him.

His words, however, seem to have the effect he hoped and the others look more energetic now, hopeful.

"Yeah! I mean, who needs Mullet Head? We'll save him and then he'll have to stop being a dick half the time!" Lance says, smiling, "we can do it. We're  _ Voltron _ , and we're not going to be defeated so easily."

The other nod, smiling, and get to work. Pidge and Hunk are talking animatedly, probably trying to figure out something they can use to hide the castle, while Allura says she needs to recover her strength.

Shiro watches them and feels his determination vanish, almost as if he had used all that he had on them.

"Son," someone calls him and he looks at Coran, surprised, "what are you going to do?"

It's a question he hadn't really asked himself. What  _ can _ he do?

"Whatever I can," he answers, honestly, even if he doesn't know exactly what that is.

 

 

While the others are busy with preparations he finds himself floating to the hangar where the Lions are being held. He doesn't know what brings him there, but he stops soon in front of the Black Lion, now lifeless in front of him.

He wants to imagine Keith getting out of the lion in his Black armor, smiling at him and trying to force him to do something Shiro wants to do. He wants to imagine the Keith he remembers from before, who had been happier and more carefree.

Shiro is glad his speech had helped the others, that maybe now Keith will be saved because he pushed them a little, but at the same time it feels like he's floating away, being captured by a darkness he can't escape.

He thinks it might be the implants reacting to the absence of someone to serve, but he also thinks it might be the kind of despair that has nothing to do with the implants and all to do with thinking of something happening to Keith.

He might have been able to push the others, but there is nothing pushing him.

Shiro looks up at the lifeless face of the Black Lion and wishes, more than anything else, that he could be someone better than this, someone who would be able to save Keith with his own two hands.

The Galra have taken away his free will and he had survived. He doesn't think he'll be able to survive this.

He realizes, now, that he doesn't care about what will happen to him. He'll ask Hunk to carry him in Yellow and he'll infiltrate the ship with him. He'll save Keith himself even if it's the last thing he does.

Shiro puts a hand forward, the human one, and focuses on the metal of the Lion.

"I promise," he says, his voice low almost as if he's afraid of someone listening in, "I'll bring him back. I  _ want _ to bring him back. I want to be with him."

He doesn't really expect anything to happen, maybe to feel something shift in himself, like a awareness that will finally settle in his guts. He certainly doesn't expect the deafening roar.

When he looks up, scared, he sees Black come to life, her eyes flashing a deep yellow, and she looks back at him before she crouches and opens her mouth welcoming him inside.

Slowly Shiro feels something else warm his mind, beating the cold of the implants, and Black's strong presence fills him with something he hadn't felt in a long time.

It's like she's talking with him, a private conversation just for the two of them, and he walk towards her, unable to resist.

_ Finally _ , she seems to be saying,  _ I was waiting for you _ . He doesn't understand, doesn't remember the other describing their connection this way, but he feels Black's spirit deep inside of him, filling the gaps and the void. Making him whole again.

Black's cockpit is big, and while he sits on the chair he thinks about Keith, sitting in the same position.

This is not for him to keep, but he will do anything to get Sir back. Even pretend to be whole enough to be a paladin of Voltron.

 

 

When he exits Black he finds the other in front if him, looking as if they have just seen a ghost. Shiro tries not to flinch and stands tall in front of them. Black is a comforting presence in his mind, and he feels better than he has in a long time.

"You..." Hunk starts, looking at the other like he can't really believe it.

Pidge is the first to recover, smiling at him with something that looks like pride. "Just wait until Keith sees this," she says, with a wink, "he's going to lose his mind."

Shiro looks at her and smiles as well because Keith  _ will _ see this. They will make sure of it.

 

 

In the end they don't have a lot of time to formulate a plan, so what they come up with is simple but effective. They'll use Pidge's cloaking technology and combine it with Allura's ability  to create a wormhole to reach Zarkon's main ship quickly. Once there they'll have to fight Zarkon's fleet, but whie Yellow, Red, Blue and Green center the attention of the fleet on themselves Shiro will use Black to board the ship.

The others had tried protesting, saying that Shiro might not have been ready, but he had been adamant. He needed to do this himself, even if he knows deep inside that he's disobeying Sir's wishes.

He likes to think that a part of Keith would be proud of him for this.

 

 

All in all, the initial stages of the plan are a success, and they reach the center of Zarkon's fleet  without a problem. It's there that the situation degenerates.

The other lions are doing their part, drawing the attention of the enemy ships on themselves, and Shiro and Black are sneaking around unnoticed when he feels  _ something _ come in between him and Black.

It feels a lot like the implants, cold and calculating, something that fights him every step of the way.

Someone, he realizes, is trying to take Black away from him, their bond growing weaker by the second. He scrambles for her, trying to keep their connection, grasping at the partnershiè that had opened up to him so easily.

He needs her to save Keith but, maybe even more, he feels like he needs her to save himself.

So he holds on and  _ fights _ . He pushes the presence away from their connection and he feels that he wouldn't be able to do it if it wasn't for the implants. He has been closed out of his mind for so long that it almost becomes second nature to push something out, build impenetrable walls.

He and Black push through and the intruder disappears as quickly as it appeared between them. His lion is shaken, the encounter leaving her rattled, but Shiro grips his controls harder and focuses on Keith.

They don't have time to waste.

 

 

When he leaves Black by the side entrance of the ship he feels fear for the first time since he started this rescue mission. Being inside Black, fighting with her, had made him stronger. But now, as he runs inside corridors that feel too familiar for comfort, he remembers that he's alone.

It's only his desperation and worry for Keith that pushes him forward, so he swallows his insecurities and his doubts and tries to focus.

He has been in this ship once, he knows that for certain, so it's easier for him to run towards where the cells must be. It's improbable that Zarkon would have just killed the Black Paladin, not without trying to extract some informations, but the possibility is there.

Maybe they are too late, maybe there was never any hope.

_ No _ , he can't think that. He refuses to contemplate the possibility; not after everything they have done.

He's almost arrived to his destination when he's forced to stop because he sees someone in front of the door that leads to the cells. Shiro is tired, but he's so close that he just can't give in now. He puts himself in an offensive position, ready to strike, when he realizes who is blocking his way.

Shiro falls to his knees immediately, his body shaken by violent tremors.

It's not like it was with Sendak, the first Master he ever had, because Haggar had always been different. She had created him, plasmed him to fit her ideal. He had been  _ hers _ in a way that no one of the other Masters had ever competed.

Even now, with his resolve about saving Keith clear in his mind, he can't help but shiver in her presence.

"Oh, Champion," she says, while he struggles to rise his head. "What have you become."

She had been the first one to notice him in the arena, he knows. She had seen something in him, but he still isn't sure what that was. She had always been there when the druids worked on him, watching with satisfaction as they broke him over and over.

He  _ hates  _ her, but his implants love her. And sometimes he can't really distinguish between the two.

Still, he gets up, slowly. Too slow. She lets him, which probably means she doesn't think he's a threat.

"I..." he tries, feeling bile rise in his throat at the idea of fighting her. He closes his eyes, tries to think about Keith,  _ Sir _ , and pushes through. "I need to pass. Get out of my way."

She watches him, almost as if she's studying him. Her little experiment to the very end.

"I worked so hard on you," she informs him, almost as if she's a mother scolding her child, "and you threw it all away. You could have been great, Champion. I  _ made _ you great."

He shakes his head and activates his arm. It's painful, his implants screaming inside him to  _ stop _ and listen to her.

_ Do what you want to do _ , Keith had ordered him once, and he takes strength from the knowledge that he's honoring his Sir's order. It's the only thing that allows him to push forward and strike at Haggar.

She evades him easily, Shiro's movement sluggish and slowed down.

"Now, you're broken beyond repair," she says, sounding almost bored, before she sends a bolt of energy that hits him in the back. He arches painfully, dark energy flowing through his body.

He knows that he doesn't have a chance, not really. But giving up now, after having come so far, would mean letting Keith down. And it's not something Shiro can bear.

So Shiro pushes through the pain and he gets up, grinding his teeth. He hears the intake of breath from Haggar, evidently surprised that  Shiro even managed to get up at all, and he turns towards her.

She is still watching him, a glint of interest in her eyes.

He wants to attack her, but even holding himself upright is taking all of his strength. He doesn't think he can do anything more.

"Or maybe I could make you better again. I saw you piloting the Black Lion," she continues, smiling, "maybe you really can be our greatest weapon."

_ No _ , he think. "No," he says, feeling hatred fill him to his core, "never."

Haggar smiles, almost as if she feels sorry for him, and she gets ready to hit him again when someone else shoots at her. She avoids the hit, turning towards the intruder.

Hunk stands in the doorway, his bayard drawn and pointing at where Haggar had been.

"Sorry," the yellow paladin says, with a smile, "but he's taken. Shiro, buddy, are you okay?"

Shiro doesn't answer, taking advantage of the moment of distraction from Haggar to attack again. This time he gets her, and he slasher her on her side before she can completely avoid the hit.

Haggar screams, if out of pain or anger Shiro doesn't know, and a moment later a dark cloud falls in the room, covering everything. It's impossible to see through it, but Shiro tries, scared of a hit he can't see.

Nothing comes, however, and when the clouds lift Haggar is gone, leaving only him and Hunk in the room.

"Did she..." Hunk starts looking around, "wait, did we win?"

Shiro looks as surprised as Hunk, but a second later he remembers where he is and why he's there.

He's hurt and in pain, but he turns towards the cells and starts running again. Every movement is agony, but Sir—Keith—is beyond that door and he needs to see him as much as he needs air.

He pushes the door open and almost falls back on his ass when something comes swinging at him. He puts his Galra arm forward to absorb the hit and he takes a step back, ready to fight back.

"Shiro?"

He blinks, surprised, seeing that the one who had just attacked him had been Keith, that now looks at him with complete shock.

Shiro wants to say something, he really does, but finally seeing Keith again it's enough to make him lose his balance and he needs to lean on the wall to keep upright. There is still a fight going on outside, but he almost wants to laugh because he has done it.

_ He has done it. _

"Are you all right?" Keith asks, moving towards him and Shiro finally lets himself look Keith over. The other looks shaken and a little beaten up, but nothing too bad, they have made it in time.

His voice serves as a balm for Shiro's nerves, and his implants stop hurting all at once. They almost  _ sing _ in joy and he closes his eyes again.

Fighting them all the time is incredibly difficult, and he doesn't want to do it now. Doesn't need to. Sir is here now, and he'll take care of things.

"I'm back," he says anyway, smiling at the other and enjoys the surprise in the other's eyes. It takes a minute for Keith to recover and when he does he's smiling unabashedly, something he hasn't done in a long time.

"You made me wait, Takashi," Sir says, and Shiro can't help but laugh.

 

 

In the end they manage to leave unscathed. Shiro lets Keith sit down at Black's helm and it feels strange and right at the same time. He can tell that Keith senses that something has changed, but it's a conversation they'll need to have later.

Since Allura isn't in the Castle she had stored some of her energy in the crystal to create a wormhole out of there and Coran activates it the second they tell him to.

They manage to escape just before the wormhole turns purple and they'll never know what would have happened had they stayed in there a second more.

 

 

Shiro, in the end, is the one who needs to stay in the medical pod, while Sir seems to have just some scratches.

When Shiro comes to, there's only Sir waiting for him and Shiro smiles at him immediately, glad to have him there. Keith responds in kind. His expression seems light, almost as if a big weight has been taken off his shoulders.

"I think we need to talk," Keith says, and Shiro nods, albeit reluctantly.

Keith motions with the head for Shiro to follow him, so he does, feeling the implants sing happily at following a command.

They walk in silence for five minutes before Shiro realizes where the other is taking him.

When they enter the Black Lion's hangar, he just looks at her and smiles, feeling their connection still inside of him.

"They told me you piloted her," Keith starts, "but even if they hadn't... I can feel that there's someone else bonded to her. Even more strongly than I am."

Shiro blinks, surprised, and looks back at Keith. He knows that he and Black are bonded, but doesn't think it's stronger than what Keith and Black have. Shiro had just reached to the lion in hope of finding a way to save Keith, he doesn't think he deserve her for anything more.

"When you... What they did to you," Keith continues, looking at you, "I didn't really think you would have ever... but you  _ did _ . You defeated something so horrible, fought the entire empire. Tell me why."

It's not exactly phrased as an order, but Shiro doesn't even try to fight the urge to answer. "For you," he replies, honestly. He thinks he would do it again for Keith.

Keith smiles, something far more private than before, and lowers his face.

"I'm sorry I didn't believe you could do it. I know you must have hated staying in the castle, but what if something else had happened to you? It would have been my fault," Keith tells him, "and then you went ahead and made me remember why you were the golden boy of the Garrison."

Shiro glows at the praise, knowing full well that it's not just because of the implants. "But you, you were the real talent," he replies, because he thinks it's what he would have said once. Now, now he wants to tell Keith that Shiro would be nothing without him, but he doesn't think the other would be happy to hear it.

"Maybe, but I'm not build for this. This should be you," Keith says, looking seriously up at the lion, "which is why I think you should be the new Black Paladin. It's obvious you can."

It's a shocking proposal, considering Keith hadn't trusted him to go on a single mission before this.

And Shiro is tempted.

It would be easy to accept Keith's offer, let Black fill all the gaps inside of him permanently. He could be whole again with her, he could be the paladin Voltron needs.

But would it really be fair? Would it really be what he needs? To let himself change again now that he's starting to get back who he once was?

He had taken the easy way once, when he had given in to the implants, doing things he can never take back. Becoming nothing more than a mindless slave and he wants to be better this time, he wants to be stronger.

Keith had said once that he needed him, the real Shiro, and that's who Shiro wants to be. Not whatever Black will plasm him to be.

The moment he makes the decision he's surprised to see that his implants do not protest, even if he's getting ready to disobey his Sir. It's like with Sendak and Haggar, a discomfort that he can ignore. Something he can  _ defeat _ .

So he smiles, free, and says "No," with glee.

Keith looks surprised for a second, maybe realizing how incredible it is that Shiro had really refused him something, and then he smiles.

He looks younger like this. Happy.

So Shiro reaches with his human hand and takes Keith's, holding it.

This, he thinks, is the moment where he starts to rebuild himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always comments and kudos help in time of need (and stress. Totally self-caused stress but still).  
> And if you want to chat a little or idk, you can find me on twitter @chiapslock and tumblr @fatty-arbuckle

**Author's Note:**

> As always comments and kudos go a long way into making me a happy writer and they mean the world to me.
> 
> You can scream at me on twitter as chiapslock and tumblr as fatty-arbuckle.
> 
> Thank you so much <3


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